I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
