i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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