I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize