Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
