oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
