i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
