So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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