i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So many bounce houses so little time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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