Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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