What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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