dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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