naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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