If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
