nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
