fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
