Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
