piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
