Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
