I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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