I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
