There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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