I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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