You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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