Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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