Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
