final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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