don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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