I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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