One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
