Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
