Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
