Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
