and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're my little dorito
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
