im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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