so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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