Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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