ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
