Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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