I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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