I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
