Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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