Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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