when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
