people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
