I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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