just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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