I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am midnight drunk by noon
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
