He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The best revenge is premature balding
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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