he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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