Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's great music for shaving your balls
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
