He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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