After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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