Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
