How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
