I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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