You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
