I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
