12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think i got beer on your cat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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