What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
