ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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