I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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