and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
