hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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