The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
