apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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