its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
