why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
