so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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