one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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