White coat. Heels.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
