You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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