I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
