My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
