I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
