she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together