I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
