did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.