i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.