Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.