Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...