i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
