Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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