I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
