Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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