and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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