They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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