You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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