and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
